Clean Jokes : Group 2
#1............."Winnie The &%$#"
It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class
that each student could tell the class 1 thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a
girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she got.
"My daddy got me a Bow-Wow," she said.
The teacher tells the class that they are old
enough to know the correct words for things without using nicknames. The teacher tells the
girl to try again. The girl thinks real hard ........
"My dad got me a dog," she said.
She sat down and a boy got up and said,
"I got a choo-choo!"
The teacher scolded him and told him to try
again. The boy thought hard and said,
"I got an electric train!!"
That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says,
"I got a book"
The teacher feels bad for the kid and
"What was the title of the book??"
The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the
boy is thinking. Finally, the boys face brightened and he said,
"Winnie The Sh*t!!"
#2............"Maniac On The 25th Floor"
Three men died and went to heaven. When they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter
stopped them and said,
"Due to over population, I can only let one of you in. Whoever can tell me the best story of his death can enter Heaven."
The first guy began his story: "I lived on the 25th floor of a high rise apartment building.
Every day when I went to work, my nosy neighbor called me and said that there was a
stranger in my house and that he could hear wild, passionate loving making noises. I
finally got fed up with it and decide to go home at lunch time and check things out.
When I got home my wife was sitting on the couch naked. I got extremely upset. I went
through the house searching everywhere. Under the table, in the closet, even under the
bed. I couldn't find anyone. Then I looked outside on the balcony and saw two hands
hanging onto the ledge. I ran outside looked down at him and noticed that he wasn't
wearing any pants. I took off my shoe and started beating his hands. He fell 25 stories
and landed on the canvas in front of the building. He wasn't dead. So I rolled the
refrigerator out and pushed it on top of him. When I did, I had a massive heart attack
The second man's story: "I am a window washer at a high rise apartment building. I was
washing windows on the 27th floor when my scaffold broke. My pants got caught on
the scaffold and ripped off. I managed to stay alive by grabbing a ledge of a balcony. I
was okay until this guy started beating my hands with his shoes. I fell and landed on the
canvas in front of the building. I was still alive. Then the next thing I know, a refrigerator
landed on me and I died."
The third story: "Well, I was in this refrigerator minding my own business....
#3.........."A Great Bar"
Two men sit at a bar. The first one just slowly sips at his drink, studying the other man at the
far end of the bar. Finally, the first man makes up his mind, and walks up the the second man.
He sits back down and continues nursing his drink. The second man, thinking nothing of it,
continues his drinking in peace. After a while, the first man speaks up.
"This place is great, isn't it?" he asks. The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, replies.
"Why do you say that?" The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds,
"Follow me." The
second man, well drawn up into this hush-hush secret attribute of the bar, follows. They stop
at the large window at one end of the room.
"Here's why." The first man thows open the
window, and boldly steps out into--nothing. But he remains aloft!
"The air currents are great
here!" he exclaims. "It's very relaxing." As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the
second man to try it. The second man, somewhat questioningly, looks over the
windowsill--down to the pavement twelve stories below. He looks to either side, and finally
up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up. Convinced that it was no
trickery, the second man swollows, closes his eyes, and steps out into-- nothing. And
promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below. The second man, with a slight grin on his
face, gets his drink, returns to his original spot at the bar, and starts sipping again. Looking
rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits.
"You know," he
says, disgusted. "You're a real jerk when you're drunk, Mr. Kent."
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Protestant Minister are on a cruise. Suddenly the boat begins to
sink. The Protestant Minister yells, "Abandon ship! Women and children first!" The Rabbi
says, "Screw the children." The Priest then replys, "Do we have time for that?"
#5................"The Injured Pirate"
A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any
self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch
over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He
asked the pirate,
"How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded,
"I lost me leg in a
battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked,
"What about you hand. Did you loose it at the same time?"
"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the
sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked,
"I notice you also have an eye
patch. How did you loose your eye? The pirate answered,
"I was sleeping on a beach when
a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked,
"How could a little
seagull crap make you loose your eye?" The pirate snapped,
"It was the day after I got me
Thats all!! Hope you enjoyed them!!!
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